Neurofeedback Training #1

First neurofeedback training session today, I wasn't sure quite what to expect. We are beginning with 6 sessions training my frontal lobe to help with relaxation (?? lowering beta waves, I think), and to help build a foundation for the remainder of my training.

Started out with a short audio session, followed by a visual session - to see which one worked best for me. It was interesting to look at the real-time feedback and see what was actually happening on the computer monitor (and really hard to make changes!) It took about 5-6 minutes for my brain to figure out how to keep the desired waves low - when I was out of range the sound would disappear, at that point I have to regulate myself to get the sound back. It was the same thing with the visual training, only with a video, rather than audio on headphones. When I went out of range the image on the screen shrank down. The visual seemed harder to control, the harder you try, the more difficult it becomes... I think that I may have just been more interested in watching a movie about Joseph Campbell than listening to baroque music, so it was just naturally more frustrating when the video image would shrink.

In the end, I did significantly better with the visual training and so we are going to use this method for the time being. I didn't notice it at first, and still don't know if it is related to the training.... but I was surprisingly happy and relaxed for a good portion of the day. Is this seriously going to start working so quickly? I hope so! No worries, just happy and easy-going... strange in a really nice way, but not unheard of.

BTW, made some darn good (kinda pseudo) paleo cookies today (too much honey and chocolate for me!) Next time will try applesauce and dried cherries as a replacement. I hadn't had a cookie in a year at least, and it was a really nice treat :-)

Brain Map

I've had anxiety since I was a little kid. A low underlying worry that never seems to go away. Panic attacks began when I went to college, and continue to this day. Sometimes it is days in a row in a black hole, sometimes I know I can do anything I put my mind to. But always, always this this veil of (or entirely obscuring) fog and malaise.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes nearly 20 years ago. I cut out gluten 2 years ago, and then grains soon followed (corn and rice included) after discovering a quinoa allergy. Suspected IBS has caused me to remove anything in the FODMAP fructans category (onions, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, etc). Now I basically eat vegetables, meat, and try to get as much animal fat as possible. Soon to be exploring possible thyroid, adrenal, and leaky gut. Even with all the changes, the fog and malaise are still present.

I am going to give neurofeedback a try after reading about it in the book Primal Body, Primal Mind by Nora Gedgaudas. I've been on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication, tried counseling, completely turned my eating habits upside down... I'm not really sure what else to do, and am honestly feeling pretty desperate to get this figured out.

At my first session, we did a brain-map scan. This involved putting a very silly looking cap on my head and connecting wires from a computer to the cap. These read my brain waves during several open and closed eye minutes. A general brain "map" was output visually so we could see how my brain waves are working together and find patterns and imbalances.

Check out that Rainbow Snake :-)

We met a few days later to discuss the map results. A portion of it is in the picture below. Long conversation short (not that I can even pretend to remember all the details)... it's like I'm driving with the gas and brakes at the same time. Metabolic issues are known to contribute to slow alpha wave channels, like the ones shown in my map (possibly making me "foggy" and not able to deal with emotional stuff). Issues that were pointed out in the brain map are impulsive behavior (that one surprised me), hyper-emotional, rumination, anger, self-deprecation (no surprises there), and worry. Cognitively, attention also showed as being a problem (it has been suggested by people close to me that I have ADD, no surprises there, either). I don't remember the last time I finished reading a book. Or really even finished a project... does cooking dinner count? So, we are going to start working on cognitive issues first, and do 6 sessions of neurofeedback therapy that will help me stay focused. First session is today, curious to see how it goes.

What's up, Doc?

From Mitch Caster's Monday night drawing class at ASLD. I really need to draw more frequently, it makes me happy.

More in oil based clay

Some very low quality photos (my camera broke) of a bust I did at the Art Students League. I took a new class there, taught by Valentin Okorokov. It was seriously a lot of fun and I learned sooooo much! The method taught was a sort of simplified version of Edouard Lanteri's method (a common classic method of sculpture), and focused on the planes of the face and neck.

A Little Drawing

More from Tuesday night life drawing:

The pose was about an hour long. 18" x 24" charcoal on charcoal paper.

I saw this at the North Bennington Halloween Parade:

The skeleton even pedaled along with the guy up front :-D Pretty sweet.

Uuh... has anyone seen Em?

I found a life drawing session in Bennington, and came home with this:

Eyeball, tri-ball

After seeing two blog posts in two days, I had the sudden urge to immediately go make some new eyeballs.

And you know what? I think eyeballs aren't so scary after all! Kinda fun, really. Especially in sets of 3.