Neurofeedback Training #1

First neurofeedback training session today, I wasn't sure quite what to expect. We are beginning with 6 sessions training my frontal lobe to help with relaxation (?? lowering beta waves, I think), and to help build a foundation for the remainder of my training.

Started out with a short audio session, followed by a visual session - to see which one worked best for me. It was interesting to look at the real-time feedback and see what was actually happening on the computer monitor (and really hard to make changes!) It took about 5-6 minutes for my brain to figure out how to keep the desired waves low - when I was out of range the sound would disappear, at that point I have to regulate myself to get the sound back. It was the same thing with the visual training, only with a video, rather than audio on headphones. When I went out of range the image on the screen shrank down. The visual seemed harder to control, the harder you try, the more difficult it becomes... I think that I may have just been more interested in watching a movie about Joseph Campbell than listening to baroque music, so it was just naturally more frustrating when the video image would shrink.

In the end, I did significantly better with the visual training and so we are going to use this method for the time being. I didn't notice it at first, and still don't know if it is related to the training.... but I was surprisingly happy and relaxed for a good portion of the day. Is this seriously going to start working so quickly? I hope so! No worries, just happy and easy-going... strange in a really nice way, but not unheard of.

BTW, made some darn good (kinda pseudo) paleo cookies today (too much honey and chocolate for me!) Next time will try applesauce and dried cherries as a replacement. I hadn't had a cookie in a year at least, and it was a really nice treat :-)

Brain Map

I've had anxiety since I was a little kid. A low underlying worry that never seems to go away. Panic attacks began when I went to college, and continue to this day. Sometimes it is days in a row in a black hole, sometimes I know I can do anything I put my mind to. But always, always this this veil of (or entirely obscuring) fog and malaise.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes nearly 20 years ago. I cut out gluten 2 years ago, and then grains soon followed (corn and rice included) after discovering a quinoa allergy. Suspected IBS has caused me to remove anything in the FODMAP fructans category (onions, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, etc). Now I basically eat vegetables, meat, and try to get as much animal fat as possible. Soon to be exploring possible thyroid, adrenal, and leaky gut. Even with all the changes, the fog and malaise are still present.

I am going to give neurofeedback a try after reading about it in the book Primal Body, Primal Mind by Nora Gedgaudas. I've been on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication, tried counseling, completely turned my eating habits upside down... I'm not really sure what else to do, and am honestly feeling pretty desperate to get this figured out.

At my first session, we did a brain-map scan. This involved putting a very silly looking cap on my head and connecting wires from a computer to the cap. These read my brain waves during several open and closed eye minutes. A general brain "map" was output visually so we could see how my brain waves are working together and find patterns and imbalances.

Check out that Rainbow Snake :-)

We met a few days later to discuss the map results. A portion of it is in the picture below. Long conversation short (not that I can even pretend to remember all the details)... it's like I'm driving with the gas and brakes at the same time. Metabolic issues are known to contribute to slow alpha wave channels, like the ones shown in my map (possibly making me "foggy" and not able to deal with emotional stuff). Issues that were pointed out in the brain map are impulsive behavior (that one surprised me), hyper-emotional, rumination, anger, self-deprecation (no surprises there), and worry. Cognitively, attention also showed as being a problem (it has been suggested by people close to me that I have ADD, no surprises there, either). I don't remember the last time I finished reading a book. Or really even finished a project... does cooking dinner count? So, we are going to start working on cognitive issues first, and do 6 sessions of neurofeedback therapy that will help me stay focused. First session is today, curious to see how it goes.

What's up, Doc?

From Mitch Caster's Monday night drawing class at ASLD. I really need to draw more frequently, it makes me happy.

More in oil based clay

Some very low quality photos (my camera broke) of a bust I did at the Art Students League. I took a new class there, taught by Valentin Okorokov. It was seriously a lot of fun and I learned sooooo much! The method taught was a sort of simplified version of Edouard Lanteri's method (a common classic method of sculpture), and focused on the planes of the face and neck.

A Little Drawing

More from Tuesday night life drawing:

The pose was about an hour long. 18" x 24" charcoal on charcoal paper.

I saw this at the North Bennington Halloween Parade:

The skeleton even pedaled along with the guy up front :-D Pretty sweet.

Uuh... has anyone seen Em?

I found a life drawing session in Bennington, and came home with this:

Eyeball, tri-ball

After seeing two blog posts in two days, I had the sudden urge to immediately go make some new eyeballs.

And you know what? I think eyeballs aren't so scary after all! Kinda fun, really. Especially in sets of 3.

The one-eyed cherub

Some works in progress before I head to bed:

This first one has been pulled apart and restarted about three times already, I have been measuring off the reference (illustration shown in the background of the photo) and I probably should be doubling the size. Just looking at this picture now makes all the obvious structural changes stand out to me like a sore thumb (another very good reason to post often, it forces me to take a more critical look at what I'm doing).

And this, well, I'm putting this one up cause I started it sometime in June, and wanted to give myself a little bit of motivation to finish it up. It is life size, which makes me really excited to see how it will turn out (I'm using a live model, so comparing it against the real thing should be fun).

Hand, hand, fingers, thumb

Hands...

are a difficult subject. But well worth the effort.

The armature (aluminum and galvanized steel wire) :

About 1/2 way through the process:

More pictures to come tomorrow when I can shoot under some real sunshine.

The Clay: Chavant, NSP Soft "(Non Sulfurated Plasteline) ... sulfur free sculpting clay ... minimizes difficulties associated to mold making ... can be melted and poured at approximately 185°F."

This stuff is much harder than the Chavant Davinci Soft (shown in earlier posts). Still, it is very soft for modeling clay, sticky when warmed up (I heat it up in a clay oven to make it more pliable). Not great for super realistic detail, but I suspect that it will hold detail well enough when cooled below room temperature. I like this stuff because it is soft enough that my hands don't get tired, and it seems to stick well to an armature.

The Star

Just a little update. I think this is basically ready to be fired, and then maybe stained/painted or something (to help some of the edges pop out a little more, especially the stars in the background).

A little relief

In an attempt not to start any big projects, I began this little piece in pottery class tonight. Too small for any real detail, it is mostly just an opportunity to practice a little relief sculpture. I don't have any plans to glaze it, maybe a little paint would help some of the edges to pop out a bit after it is fired. Ray let me take some extra clay home, maybe after completing this one I will make another to keep it company.

Cardinal Richelieu

The lighting here isn't so hot, I might try to take some more photos later tonight after the sun has gone down. I think this guy is finished. It would be nice to get a plaster cast of him, but the clay is so soft that I wonder if it is even possible. I might use the backside of this piece as a base to start another, just to save time preparing.

New growth

Ok, so... I got the eyes pretty well blocked in, and decided that the nose was just too good to pass up... as well as the mouth, chin, and, if you look closely, the left earlobe as well. (the mustache isn't scheduled to appear until tomorrow morning)


And, just cause I thought they were both pretty...

Here's a 9-eyed-green-monster
feasting on my tomatoes...

And some flowers that I grew...

Progress...

I still have some superficial smoothing out/texturing to do, but as far as the anatomy goes, I feel it is pretty well done. All of the major wrinkles and folds are in there, and although I may build the brow up a bit further, the bone structure is complete. Do the eyes seem to be looking at the same point? I'll probably dream about a friendly cyclops tonight.

A quick note about the clay I'm using:

Chavant, Davinci Italian Plastilina, "...wax-free, sulfur-based sculpting clay which has the non-sticky, smooth feel of water-based clay."

This stuff is super soft and is extremely pliable, making it easy to rapidly cover a lot of ground. It gets sticky when the weather is hot and humid, and I've noticed that it has a tendency to sag and lose detail after it has been sitting out for any extended amount of time. I'm looking forward to using this clay in cooler weather.

Work in Progress

Are there too many pictures here? I had trouble making up my mind.

#1

#2

#3

#4
#5
#6Photos #4 and #6 look very similar, which is frustrating to me because there was about an hour's worth of work in between the two. Must be time to stop and look at something else for awhile. I think it is typical for me to get hung up about this point, so when I go back to it I'm really going to make an effort to identify any major anatomical errors before moving onto the details (I caught myself adding some wrinkles under the eyes just before taking the last photo, which is waaay too much detail for this stage).

I think it might be a good idea to:

1. cover up the non-eye parts of my reference pic
2. focus on the arch of the brow
3. double check proportions by measuring

4. put on some music, cause that always helps

And here is my reference:

Philippe de Champaigne
Triple Portrait of Cardinal Richelieu, 1642

Quick Eyeball Sketch

Just a quick sketch, this probably took about 45 minutes of not-so-intense working time. I used Bridgman's Complete Guide To Drawing From Life as reference because I think that his blocky style lends itself well to quick little studies like this one. Eyes probably give me the most trouble, I should do about 10,000 more just to start getting comfortable with them.